10 Tips To Being Poor and Miserable Forever

Being rich and happy is highly overrated. Ensure a lifetime of poverty and misery by following the tips below.

1. If you don’t feel like working, don’t! Wait for motivation to hit you. Until then, spend your workday watching funny You Tube videos and checking your email every 10 seconds.
2. When the going gets tough, give up and watch TV.
3. Never work when you have a tummy ache, or a bruise on your leg, or when your aunt’s friend’s sister’s ex-boyfriend (who you’ve never met) dies. You must rest and recuperate when these things happen.
4. Blame everyone else when anything goes wrong. It’s obviously your next door neighbor’s grandmothers fault you’re broke. She really needs to do something about that soon because you want to get another pair of the $130 shoes you bought last week in a slightly different color. Oh, and you also need a new plasma TV for your bathroom.
5. Don’t try to figure out what you want out of life. Insist on waiting for some big idea to come to you one day that will make you suddenly know what you want in life and how to get it without doing anything difficult or time consuming.
6. Insist on setting dozens of vague goals every New Year, such as “start a business that makes me rich”. Proceed to forget about them a week later.
7. Instead of spending time on things that will make you more money, spend hours and hours trying to save every penny you possibly can. Why spend an extra half an hour working when you can haggle with the grocery store cashier for half an hour until they agree to accept your expired 20 cents off coupon?
8. Believe that anyone who is successful is simply lucky. One day while you’re sitting at home eating a cheeseburger and watching Jerry Springer, your ship will finally come in.
9. Make sure everything you do is perfect. Spend 55 minutes writing the perfect comment on this blog post that will make you look like a genius.
10. Get angry about everything I just told you and insist you don’t identify with any of it. Continue doing things the same way as usual, without learning anything from this article. I’m obviously an idiot who became successful purely out of luck.

And for those of you who for some crazy reason DO want to be rich and happy, stay tuned for more great info coming soon. 

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